The #1 Priority In Feeding Your Children (From A Dietitian And Mom)
Some ask me: How do you get your kids to eat so healthy? While others may think: she is a dietitian, of course her kids will eat healthy.
Well I'm going to tell you my secret! Unfortunately, I can't take credit for this secret. Nor is it a secret. I want you to spread this more-than-magical advice to the world! The dietitian and family therapist that deserves all the credit is Ellyn Satter. Her research and models for eating are internationally recognized.
Her model "Division of Responsibility" is what dietitians everywhere, working in child nutrition, are trained to preach. So, now you know what I am going to tell is far more than a trick or tip!
Ellyn Satter's division of responsibility gives a parent role and child role. If the parent tries to participate in the child's role there can be negative consequences. The opposite is also true if the child tries to fill the parent role.
Parent role: Provide what, when and where child can eat.
Child role: Decide if and how much he or she will eat.
How parents cross into child's role
"Try one bite"
If parents request their children to “try one bite,” power struggles can occur. There are some adventurous eaters out there that have no hesitation in trying new foods or taking one bite of familiar foods. If your child is not an adventurous eater, you will be most encouraging to them if you keep it a secret which foods you want them to try. Simply describing a food on the plate is perceived as pressure to eat that food. Pressure for hesitant eaters results in power struggles.
One quick note before we move on. If your child began being "picky" around 12-18 months, that is a normal protective developmental stage. How parents respond, however, makes a big difference to how long the "picky eating" will last.
Key takeaway: if you have a hesitant eater (no matter their age) do not encourage one bite of new or familiar food. Also, be encouraged as hesitant eaters can be more adventurous with time and with ZERO pressure.
"You need to eat more chicken"
Good intentions are behind what we do as parents. As parents we want our kids to eat more so they won't be hungry. What is helpful to know is our kids don't need the same amount of food each day. Their appetite fluctuates based on their current growth rate. This means we can 100% trust them to know exactly what their body needs. Stepping in and telling them how much to eat is forcing them to ignore their satiety cues—the signals God gave us as babies that say we are satisfied, full, or still hungry.
One exception to trusting our kids 100% is if distractions are present. For example, if your kids are eating in front of a screen or with a book or toys they are not listening to their body. Another distraction may be an exciting privilege such as TV time after meals. The risk with this schedule is rushing through a meal, not giving enough time for satiety cues and then being hungry within a short period of time of the meal served.
Sometimes schedules can't be changed or are setup for a purpose (i.e. TV after dinner so I can do dishes in peace). In this case, be prepared if they ask for a snack, it will be available at the same time as always, not earlier. Another option is TV time starts at a specific time, giving everyone plenty of time to eat.
How children cross into parents' role
Children deciding what to eat for meals crosses into the parent's role. Ellyn Satter recommends waiting until adolescence for building meal planning strategies. For children younger, she says they are "entitled to be free from worry about eating." That is a beautiful gift to give to our children, whether they know it or not.
This doesn't mean we can't ask them for meal ideas for the week.
But this does mean we can't say: "Do you want fish sticks or Mac n cheese for dinner?"
As a parent you provide one meal for the whole family. Offer a large variety of foods in the course of a week, treating all foods equally. While deciding what is for dinner is overwhelming at times, this role has advantages. One meal for the whole family means saved time and effort in cooking. Push back from your kids, "I don't want this," will be less than you anticipate as he or she has the freedom not to eat a food or meal.
If you are new to all of this, hang in there. If you currently give your children a different meal than you eat, start by making sure there is at least one food they are familiar with at each meal. Remember to be patient and avoid even subtle pressure.
Last, as a parent you choose when and where a meal is served. Meals, especially ones with new foods, will be more well received by hungry tummies. Therefore, timing of snacks should be monitored. Where a meal is served is ideally at a table without distractions(screens, books or toys). This allows the child (and parent) to pay attention to his or her body and notice everything about foods on the plate.
Ellyn Satter's division of responsibility is giving parents and children distinct jobs that cannot be shared. If this model becomes your number one priority in feeding your family I can almost guarantee you will:
1. Experience freedom and decreased stress in not controlling your kids food intake
2. Save time in cooking and planning meals
3. Over time see your kids eat the same variety of foods as you
4. Not see your kids starve from missed meals
5. Experience more peace and enjoyment at meal time
While this is a simple idea at its core, there are many questions that can arise.
If you have questions or could use more guidance with your child’s nutrition, please feel free to CONTACT ME.
I’m here to help!
